The Ballad of Robert Smith Part 2

And that night he planned to commit the crime.

Bob’s mate Fred Williams had just done a job

At the house Bob made up his mind to rob.

Fred was a painter and decorator

And Bob Smith was Fred’s interrogator.

Bob and Fred are in the local pub

That Bob calls his mental health social club.

“Where were you over the weekend?” said Bob.

“I was very busy doing a job

For the wealthy couple down Chestnut Way

Who are away for a holiday.

The couple have wealthy friends who have got

Some kind of boat or fancy yacht.

They’re coming back tomorrow from their trip

Aboard the ‘Wandering Star’ sailing ship.

For the whole job I was paid half a grand

And the great thing was it was cash in hand.

However I was told that the smell of paint

Sometimes makes the lady of the house feel faint

So while they were on the ‘Wandering Star’

I’d to leave the windows slightly ajar.

I hope the couple are pleased with the job,

But the house is a prime target to rob.

There’s a vase in one room I didn’t do

That I wager is worth a pound or two.”

Bob heard the details he wanted to hear

As he listened while enjoying his beer

And Fred Williams hadn’t the slightest clue

Of the housebreaking job Bob planned to do.

After the pub Bob Smith the housebreaker

And Fred the painter and decorator

Went down the road to the local baker

Then both went to their friendly bookmaker.

Bob and Fred were a couple of losers

As they frequented bookies and boozers.

Fred gambled heavily with his monkey

And put one hundred pounds on a donkey.

By the time Bob and Fred called it a day

Fred had nearly thrown his monkey away.

Fred Williams felt extremely dejected

About all the donkeys he’d selected

And the depressed painter and housebreaker

Left an extremely happy bookmaker.